Friday, June 29, 2007
I just received an inspiration from God on how to brighten up my OB presentation. It may be corny, it may be lame, but damn be me if I don't use it.
So anyway guys, I'm gonna talk about something very personal about my behaviour, something that i don't really talk about. My ultimate fear, the one fear i totally forgot about to write in the friendship test, the one that should have been my choice of my ultimate disliked feeling.
My fear of rejection (or fear of feeling rejected, either's fine).
I once liked someone (hell, i'm not even sure if the liking stopped), but did nothing about it. I swear she was like one of the most cheerful people i'd ever meet and man was she just as sweet. I could have said something but the fear held me back. Nothing might have resulted if i had told her, then again everything could have happened if i did.
Another person, same idea. I liked her, i told her in a roundabout way, not before making her swear not to be any different to me once i told her. She kept her promise.
In both past experiences, i let fear hold me back. I let fear lead me to a detour and avoid the possibility of knowing what the response might be. It was a 50-50 chance but i let the 50% chance of rejection seem bigger than what it really was.
And that my friends, is why I'll never be attached (among the assortment of reasons ranging from "he's an insensitive bastard" to "he's weird").
P.s. Sorry if my post seem haphazard and all, writing about my behaviour and past experiences screws up my writing technique, the right words just dont come.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Pirates was good. For a movie paid with a movie voucher, hahaha.
But really, i liked the show. Enough twists and turns and ample screen time for Mr versatile, aka johnny depp aka Jack sparrow. I don't know why people called this movie confusing. I found it pretty interesting and rather easy to follow, maybe except for who was backstabbing who. I kinda gave that up after a while.
Oh i got 43/50 for CIP common test. Which is weird given that i crapped about 40% of the content. Then again, i teacher did say he was very lenient with his marking which in that case I'v gotta thank him wholeheartedly; A is still very much achieveable!
But bad news for microeconomics. Checking the averages for the module, BFS as a whole cohort got the highest average compared to the other courses. However my class, TF01 got the lowest average in the BFS cohort. 33.67 whereas the other 3 classes got 36-38.
I hope i did well. I hope the others did well too. I just hope there was some kind of mistake (Being very diplomatic here).
Oh wells putting somewhat depressing news aside, i had a jolly good time today. I met nicole and her friend, dorothy in school where lunch was consumed (Sandwhich as lunch is somewhat insufficient for an appetite like mine).
We took 52 to bishan j8 where two $7 and one redeemed movie tickets were obtained. Walked around aimlessly in bishan; we even ended up in the library's children section.
Weee. Movies, sandwhiches and girls. What more can i guy ask for? (PS3, Xbox 360, and the list goes on)
Monday, June 25, 2007
___________________________________________________________________ Oh well, some are rather accurate, some are not. Up to you to decide. So anyway, i wasn't supposed to go to school today. This was elearning week for biz stats and OB and lo and behold, mondays have OB tutorials followed by biz stats lecture. But things never usually go my way, do they? So what happened was that I had to go to school to get the OB CD cause part of the etutorial was to do some personality tests. I mean what the hell? Isn't etutorial supposed to be erm... online? Beats the damned purpose if ya ask me. So anyway, i finally finished planning the OB project outline. Took my long enough. Now i just hope content will be as planned and we can pull of a feat comparable to Houndini's magic. School's finally starting and I can't wait. I don't know, i actually like school. But project work is still pissing me off, so i don't know. *Thanks to *Nicole* for introducing me those tests. Whatever would i do without her ?*heavy sarcasm*Your EQ is 147 
50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!
51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.
71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.
91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.
111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.
131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.
150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.
?! I'm a perceptive little freak ain't I. EQ of 147 people! Oprah, eat your heart out.Your Love Life Secrets Are 
Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love.
You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?
It's important to you that your lover is very attractive. You like to have someone to show off.
In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.
A break-up usually comes as a shock to you. You always think things are going well.
So true. Though i don't know about the past relationships part, was i ever attached? One true love= very true.Your Personality Profile 
You are sexy, powerful, and bold.
You're full of passion and energy...
Sometimes this passion has a dark side.
You feel most alive when you're seducing someone.
You never fail to get someone's attention.
Quick minded, you're also quick to lose your temper!
Goodness, I am sexy. Just a little confirmation of what i always knew. Erm last one is rather true. I may be bad tempered, but i lose that temper easily. I just can't stay angry at someone.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
I guess with all that going on in the chatbox it be best to explain my belief in my belief.
Science cannot prove faith. It never will. Faith is literally faith. We can experience all the highs, sightings, excorisms and life changing experiencs but science will attribute it to something.
But i myself have not experienced a 'high' other religious have. However, that does not deter me from my faith at all. Faith is there to guide people on the path of righteousness and goodness. Not bullshitting mind you. Honestlty speaking, if faith wasn't there people would do all kinds of stuff they wouldn't normally do. They would be having casual sex, rapes, murder and all sorts of immoral things. Laws will never stop people from doing things they want. Accountability to a higher being however, does.
Getting back to topic, history can prove that religious events did occur. Whether it signifies the presence of a higher being is debatable to some. But really, why is it so hard to believe in a faith? If you do not believe in God, it means that you face oblivion after death. It means that you think that all the chaos in the world is random but not because God wants us to learn something from all this. Is it not easier and better to believe that after your mortal shell ceases to exist, you go to a better place? Is it not easier to believe that there's a person up there who cares for you, loves you and wants the best for you even though you may be the scum of the earth?
Faith may not be able to be proven, but it's a lot better than believing that the earth was created because of luck. We only exist because the earth is in a spot ideal for life; not too far from the sun, not too near to it either. Isn't it easier to believe that we were created for a purpose rather than the luck of the draw?
Ugh. Pardon me if the post is messy. 12 in the morning is not a good time to write a post of this intensity. I repeat myself, i do not get angry over discussions like this. I just like explaining.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Camp= Slack and fun.
Slept for 4-5 hours for both days of the camp. But i still had rather large amounts and quantities of fun, so i can't really complain.
Can't think of much to say about the camp, but i can complain of the impending return to school. 2 weeks is insufficient recuperation when half of it is spent in school.
And man did i not watch POTC3 on Wednesday. It so happened that potc3 is not shown in the night anymore, so i didn't go to watch it with joanne. All the better i guess. If i did go, i'd have to rush home after the show to pack for camp.
BUT, i am watching with a friend. Watching it on wednesday (theres something about wednesdays) with my new friend nicole with a free GV movie pass! WOOT. Got it from the TDP seminar.
Movies and new friends. What more could a young man ask for?
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
What to say of the talent development progamme(TDP)?
Nothing but surprises.
Hell, there's so much to say but i don't know where to start.
Maybe the biggest surprise would suffice.
So today was the end of the 3 day seminar. They had an interesting segment, which was to give 'awards' to participants for certain categories.
There was the 'most likely to change world' award, 'most positive outlook person', most energetic? or something like that.
Well there was a few awards but i can't remember all the categories. So the first was most positive outlook or something along that line. According to the facils, it's awarded to the most positive person, the person who like smiles most of the time and stuff like that. So a girl called Joyce got awarded the first prize. Then drumroll... the second person.
Which turned out to be me.
Wow. People who know me since secondary school would sorely disagree with the decision to give me that recognition.
And i wouldn't blame them. I am grumpy most times. I'd say that's a part of me naturally, be it bad. I guess by attending TDP, a totally new environment it meant that past expectations of me were gone. Starting with a blank sheet, heh(inside joke).
Oh and i'm taking up NYAA i think. Gold. Well at least i'm trying and willing to do something to boost my credentials for future scholarship interviews. Honestly though, i wouldn't even bother to do something humongous like that without the backing and similar undertaking with some newly accquired friends from TDP. They're even setting up a friendster group for all of us from the programme who are trying for gold, to make accomplishment of tasks easier.
Wow, so awesome. I mean i've found friends who are easy to click with. Some of these people take the same bus route as me(which is rare) and really, it's awesome. Maybe the 'high' of the programme hasn't died down yet to reveal the reality of life but i think possibilities for these friendships i've made are many.
I've made friends with an Anglican; and not that i'm holding that against her, just that it's good to make friends even of different denominations though i forsee many debates and friends with many other intriguing people. Sadly they're of different schools. Oh well.
But if it's one thing i've gained from this seminar, it's drive.
I've re-ignited my drive to get kick-ass awesome GPA. I want to make myself the poster-boy of BFS; need to get top grades for that. I want to make myself known, to be active in cca.
I want to do so many things.
Suddenly, 3 years seem like such a short time.
So when one of my team mates for OB project finally was able to meet me(online) for the project, i was so glad. I mean i could finally share the load and maybe generate more ideas for this tiring project. I just stare and stare at my sheets of paper which contain my ideas and i just can't think of anything else to do. My ideas just froze up.
But imagine my disappointment when she told me to pass her her portion of the work and she'd get started on it. It's like 'i'll do it, just gimme.' I mean that's the attitude this project needs but...
I guess i'm starting to worry about my ability to hande this project effectively. I'm worried that my weariness associated with this project will hinder the planning of this project and drain it of the potential it has.
I guess what i sought was someone to share this load with.
I need to plan my group memebers better next time.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
I've been delaying work as much as possible. I was supposed to have an online disucssion with my group yesterday regarding my OB project, but one was at camp, one didn't give me any reply at all and the other i can't contact cause i don't have his number.
What i would give to go back in time and be less wishy-washy in choosing group members back then and choose whom i know i'd work well with: pretty girls and smart and ambitious dudes. :D
Well anyway given the sorry state of affairs this project is turning out to be, i'm gonna go all out dictatorship on this one. There's no time for democracy; if there's one thing democracy has shown to be, it's that it can be real time consuming. Dictators get work done real fast. Meh, human rights are so over-rated.
But if there's one thing i like about being a leader, it's the accessibility to knowledge. I've said this before, i enjoy being kept in the loop. I guess it can be said that i'm a sort of a control freak. But would you not sleep easier at night knowing that you know the full progress of work and you alone can control the pace of the work? Yea.
But there's a downside to this. I tend to not fully trust people when it comes to distributing work. I don't know if they can fufill work to the standard I set. It's rubbish really. I should have more faith in people i work with, i should not judge people. Should should should.
Stupid word.
In other parts of my life, i went out with joanne and joanne; heh, to the UK fair on.... thursday. It was a whole lot fun. Jo and I went for 2 rides, while joanne only went for 1. The second one was crazy. It's those kinda of crazy inverter rides where they swing you in circles, and your own carriage can spin too. I swear, the scariest part of the ride is when your body presses against the harness that holds you in place. I was soooo scared that it would malfunction and release me into the cold hard floor.
Heh, fun times. We also went for desert and J8 after that. Man, i'll say it again and again, nothing beats just having time spent with your friend. Nothing.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Pirates of the carribean 3: At world's end was released like.... 2-3 weeks ago?
I haven't watched it yet.
It's either 'i'm watching it with my friends.' or 'I've already watched it.'
So you can imagine my desparation to watch it with a friend before its run ends in cinemas island wide. Well i did manage to find someone who didn't watch it yet; Joanne. But life never goes that smoothly. Oh no... She can't watch it this week but can watch it next week; save for the weekend, i can watch it this week but can't watch it next week save for the weekend.
I mean really. If God wants to make my life hard, can't he a bit more subtle about it?
But well anyways, we decided to watch it on wednesday. Am i not busy on the weekdays? Well i end my leadersip seminar at 6, so a night show is not really a problem. The problem is however, the following morning. I have BA envoys camp on wednesday morning at 9 in the morning.
Now that y'all are on the same wavelength as to how much i really want to watch this show, i can tell you how i'm gonna cram this into my schedule. I'm gonna pack for camp this sunday; the basic necessities. I can't do that on wednesday night cause of the movie and not tuesday night because my seminar ends at 10. O.0 Now you know how much thought i put into all this madness.
Oh and have i forgotten to mention that my OB project is due on erm.... THE FIRST WEEK OF TERM 2. It's actually on the 2nd week, but i must pass up the draft 1 week before. I haven't done anything yet. This is so screwed up. I'm going to cry in one corner now. Toodles.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Back from retreat. I have taken quite a bit from it, including refreshing my decaying drama skills and have made an action plan to improve my writing. So very useful and such an inspiring start to my hols.
So i'm gonna plan my 1st week of holiday(this week) oh so very carefully. Today, being tuesday, i'm going to play soccer at 3. On wednesday, i'm hoping to have my skin peel on that day. Thursday or friday would have an hour and a half used for rehearsals for the TDP's short play.
Quite a bit of free time is left, but would definitely be filled using to complete work that school requires. Stupid OB and CIP project.
This holiday is gonna be so.... organised. So scheduled. Everything is scheduled and given an appropriate time slot for it to happen. No random or last minute outings are in the forseeable future. Which is so sad. I like the a bit of randomness every now and then; i do dislike constant randomness like the drinks Whatever and Anything.
I also don't have any Sentosa outings or outings in general idea. Now that's really sad. I remember a time when holidays were full of outings and hanging outs and Sentosa gatherings. Now it's all quiet and stuff. Brian is not a happy boy.
Though i did reject a chance to go out with my poly class to go out to Sentosa later on as i promised the TOG guys i would pla... train with them for often. But really, even if i did go with them to Sentosa i know i'd not enjoy myself. I just feel too disconnected with them all. They'd be better off without deadweight like me anyway.
Oh well, just pray for me that my hols be a bit more cheerful.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Watch out, somone who's never had the feeling that makes the world go round is gonna comment on it.
So when i was a kid, there's this particular memory which strikes me. It was a time when my parents argued over money(i think). Of course back then being a kid, i worried that my folks would break up.
Thinking of it now, it's kinda cool to think that my parents last so long. 19 years and counting. And they have a 12 year age gap. Not easy ya know.
I would say all teenagers (sappy romantic ones at any rate), have this idealistic view of love. That it will last forever, will have no downs only ups. The first one's right, if you work on it, second? Nah, no way.
My parents told me fights/quarrels/arguements are integral to love lasting. Throught a disagreement, you learn more about the other person. About his/her little quirks and behaviour. And if it's indeed meant to last, the little fights only strengthen the bond, only the big ones(cheating) destabilise.
And when i see teens head over heels doing the icky lovey dovey things, i really wonder, 'How long?'
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
In preparation for the common tests, i initially thought of going to the library and dig up the archived common tests of past years. Turns out, they don't archive common tests.
And also turning out, using secondary school style mugging ain't gonna help either. Doing past year papers was what i did to prepare for 'O' levels. Poly tests however, are radically different. As module leaders change, each test focus can be totally different, so questions for one year may be totally inapplicable for the next.
So how did i prepare(if i did to begin with)?
Comprehension. Reading through my notes and tutorial questions and making sure i understand the concept thoroughly. It has worked for microeconomics, and i'm itching to see if biz stats would be the same.
So on a different note, i read in newspapers today that NUS accepts 6000+ students, NTU- 5900+, SMU- 1000+.
Those figures are giving me the chills. I hoped that those were the figures for one school e.g. school of business, but no. That's the intake for one year.
It means i must be the cream of the crop for my poly course. As it is, JC students are finding it hard to enter uni already. Apparently, one student who applied to NUS pharmacy i think with 3-4As but a b4 in GP(heh. GP. That's one subject i'd have enjoyed doing) but was rejected.
I have 120+ rivals for that spot in uni. Many are like me, entering poly to get an edge by honing our alternate skills like presentation and project work.
I really can't slack off then. Beat off the competition and let them eat my dust. Muahahaha.
Monday, June 4, 2007
So i finished my miec paper with like 2 mins to spare.
Not that i was troubled by hard questions. No no, in my eternal quest to be nitty-gritty, i spent a good 15 minutes on the long questions ensuring that i wrote the answer to such a degree of accuracy that my answer filled the entire white space that was allocated to me.
The remaining 2 mins meant i could not check my answers again, though i already did check my true/false and mcq answers after i did them the first time.
But i'm pretty confident i'll do relatively well. I covered all the topics with proper reading and understanding.
2 papers left. Tomorrow's an off day. I'll use it to study leisurely, walk the dog and reminisice(sp) about life. What else can i do, life's that boring.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
I know the tests aint over but i still wanna think about the upcoming 2 weeks holidays.
If my calender reads properly, the last week of my hols will be booked by 2 school-related events, a leadership seminar and a camp. Ugh, a longer break from school would have been rather nice.
I know this seems rather contradictry to the enthusiasm i had before school started, but it's tiring to keep track of which appointment you have to go to, which project is due, which notes you have to print. It's just nice having a blank page to look at in my planner.
I do hope the free week of my hols will be filled with fun things to do, i don't need a holiday with just slacking at home cause i already did a lifetime of slouching on the couch the first 4 months this year.
So 3 more tests stand between me and my beloved freedom. Pass me the books, i'll get cracking.
Saturday, June 2, 2007
So i went back to my family g.p. again. My meds ran out and i developed a cough, so a 2nd visit was in order. Labels: better days
CIP exam was... unexpected. Stupid PBL benefits and process question came out, so i had to do a bit of bull-shi**ing to ensure my paper looked nice and full, BUT it was relevant to the question, nothing totally wrong.
It's just that my results might not be what i want( 32+?), so yea. Now i must study extra hard for the remaining test to make me feel less bad about CIP.
My sister had CC2 camp, the crying one. The jr. cats people are also helping out with that, good luck to them. Hopefully they can strike a right mood for that important session with the parents, mine was kinda memorable back them (btw i didn't cry then).
It looks like another quiet Sunday is coming up. No catechism friends to hang out with. Been like a month plus since we last met for lunch or anything at all. Not hanging out with them isn't as bad as what i thought it would be, but still bad. I'm just filling it with family time, not that it's bad or anything but i treasure that time, one of very few moments where i get to talk with treasured friends. Some would argue that it need not be restricted to Sundays but well let's not bring up the topic of conflicting work schedules due to different education institutions.
Oh well. No point whining or being emo about it. 3 tests left. Study, sleep, live. Rinse and repeat.
Thanks to all the blogs i referred to (countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities
